Alternative Girlfriend
by Malana
Summary: Years have passed, but she still carries the guilt. Chloe/Logan (x-men) **Complete**


Title: Alternative Girlfriend

Author:Malana

Smallville/X-Men

Disclaimer: None of the characters are mine.

Spoilers: Future fic, Spoilers for season 2 of Smallville. Some spoilers for X-2

Note: I'm doing a series of fic that use the titles of Barenaked Ladies songs. The fics are all one 

shots, and will be crossovers. For any Buffy fans, I also have series of Willow stories, and am 

working on a Dawn series and a Cordelia series.

All of my fic can be found at my website: 

I know that he doesn't love me.

That's okay.

I can't truthfully say that I love him.

We're both in love with other people.

People we can't have.

So, we're together, offering each other what little comfort we can.

I meet Logan a little over a year ago. I was doing a story on mutants. I lucked into an into an interview with Charles Xavier. While I was on the campus of the school, I met one of his staff. Logan. Wolverine, as I later came to know him.

He was a rather angry man, quick tempered, prone to violence. Of course, by that point in my life, I was no longer the same spunky, basically happy, kid I had once been. I find that I have a bitterness, a pessimism, an anger, that I never had when I was younger. I can't say that I really have anyone to blame for that except myself. And maybe Lionel Luthor.

It was the deal that did me in. Lex found out was what going on. He confronted me, more than once, but I was still so angry over everything. Part of me knew that Lex was right, that what I was doing was horrible. But I let my fury override my guilt. I told Lex to fuck off, and leave me the hell alone. He did. He stopped trying to redeem me.

By that point Clark was back in Smallville. Lex told me everything. I don't think Clark believed him at first. He didn't believe it until he saw it in my eyes. My betrayal did exactly what I wanted it to. It hurt him, it hurt him deeply. The moment I was the look on his face, I realized exactly what I had done. I realized just how far I had fallen.

Clark never spoke another word to me again. He didn't tell anyone else what had happened. I confessed my sins myself. I told Pete, I told Lana, I told Mr. and Mrs. Kent, and I told my own father. Seeing the reactions of my friends and family destroyed me. Everyone closed me out. And who could blame them? After all, I had made a deal with the devil.

In the years since, I've tried to convince myself that I was just a kid. I try to tell myself that I was just a stupid girl with a broken heart. I made a mistake, but I shouldn't let it destroy my life.

No matter how many times I tell myself that, it doesn't sink in. It doesn't lessen the pain I feel about what happened all those years ago.

Maybe that's why I let myself be with Logan. I man I know for a fact doesn't love me. He's in love with some dead doctor. Jean, I think her name was. Me, I'm still in love with Clark Kent.

How pathetic is that. I'm still in love with the guy I liked in high school. I'm still in love with the guy I completely screwed over, because I was too angry, and too vulnerable to say no to Lionel 

Luthor.

Logan is the antithesis of Clark. Don't get my wrong, Logan can be nice guy. I've seen how acts toward Rogue. He's so sweet with her. He's never been that way with me. A year we've been together, and I don't think we even really like each other.

We fuck. We fight. We fuck again. That's our relationship. Under different circumstances, we could have been friends. Hell, we could have even fallen in love. But we both just have such emptiness inside ourselves. We're both wallowing in the pain of our pasts. We're just using each other.

We make each other feel. That's about it. Anger, passion, lust. We use each other so that we can feel alive. I'm a replacement for the woman he never had, and he's a replacement for the man I stabbed in the back.

So I find myself in a position similar to the one I was in back in high school. I'm the girl who was never good enough for Clark, because I wasn't Lana. I'm not good enough for Logan, because I'm not Jean. The only difference is, I don't' care I'm not good enough for Logan. Because, quite frankly, he's not good enough for me. Because, after all, he isn't Clark.

I know that he doesn't love me.

That's okay.

I can't truthfully say that I love him.

We're both in love with other people.

People we can't have.

So, we're together, offering each other what little comfort we can.


End file.
